#9: Staring Into Nothing

Wowzers, two posts in three days – who am I and what have I done with my usual, avoidant self?
It’s the first day in the big self-isolating house. And, honestly, I’m already becoming stir crazy. Spent the morning trying to shake off anxiety and sadness like a dog shaking off water – it didn’t work.
So I started a list, a survival list for how to survive your life being starkly empty all of a sudden. I have gone from building a life for myself, slowly by slowly and piece by piece, to ogling the deep, dark nothingness. COVID-19 has made sure that my job has shut, my drama group rehearsals are postponed indefinitely, my friends and family are either having to self-isolate or are actually ill, my therapy group has been stopped, all my other therapy appointments and sessions have been cancelled.
I am really not good at being bored. Boredom is a big trigger for me – although my therapist says there’s no such thing as being bored, it merely masks a “true emotion state”. The trouble is I can rarely identify what prompts my boredom. So, with the world being up in arms against the virus, I have substantially little to occupy my days. I am worried, selfishly worried, that being cooped up with zilch motivation to leave the house will be the undoing of me. I’m barely out of my blip – hell, who am I kidding? I’m still very much in it. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Published by lvpape

I am a sleepy writer who loves to write poetry and short fiction. I also freelance as a music and medical journalist. I’m currently working on my first novel and it’s my baby. Besides writing I sing, play the uke, guitar and saxophone and love performing both my writing and singing. I am a major horror film buff and love reviewing them. “I exist as I am, that is enough” - Walt Whitman.

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